Punch Drunk Theater: Priest

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Punch Drunk Theater: Furious 6

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Get Behind Me Satan!

Today my son discovered the thrill that is rearranging the furniture in his room. It was incredible. He was so excited about moving everything around that he was actually cleaning his room. It was so great that I escaped to the back porch for a while to continue to strip paint from my latest house project.

In the middle of scraping another layer of toxic sludge I hear a knock at the back door. I was going turn around but my son opened the door and started talking at me so I continued what I was doing.

“Hey mom, I found this really old board game. Do you know anything about it?”

“What’s the name of it?” I said, still not turning around.

“The…Donkey…and the…Carrot? What should I do with it?”

The Donkey and the Carrot? I don’t remember any game called the Donkey and the Carrot. I turn from my paint stripping to see what he’s talking about.

"Mom, this stinks like brimstone."

“This stinks like brimstone. Where do you want me to put it?”

I have no idea where it came from. I’ve never seen that game before. I asked him where he got it.

“I don’t know. It was just in my room.”

Whaa? That ain’t right. Is it? I decided that it was probably something from my husband’s childhood. He’s got a lot of …stuff. You never know with him. I told my kid to put it on the table and I’d ask his dad about it when he got back from the hardware store.

“Dear, have you ever heard of a game called the Donkey and the Carrot?”

“The what now?”

I showed him. He stared blankly at it. Neither of us had ever seen the game before today. My husband held out his hand, a half-hearted attempt to take the box and take over the situation.

I did not hand it over.

“NO,” I said. “You CANNOT OPEN THIS. And for God’s sake don’t play it. Your son just ‘found this’ in his room. He has no idea where it came from. I have no idea where it came from. If you don’t know where it came from then the only other person that could know is his sister. And we both know that she’d never give him anything voluntarily. Clearly this is a plant by an evil demon trying to steal our children away. I’VE SEEN THE EXORCIST. I KNOW HOW THESE THINGS WORK.”

 

EVIL.

You mean “The Donkey and the HUMAN SACRIFICE”?

“Wha!” He said, eyes widening in fear.  “That’s an excellent point. I’m not touching that thing.”

Then we both agreed that the game was entirely evil and that we should get rid of it as soon as possible.

Anybody need an evil board game?