Tooth Fairy Chronicles, Part 3: A Gentleman’s Duel

While I’m away, on vacation, I thought it might be nice to revisit some old friends. Or rather, old enemies. This post is Part Three of the Tooth Fairy Chronicles originally published on



I have seriously underestimated my kid.

You know the part about the Tooth Fairy not being able to visit because of Finkmeister trying to steal the money. And then came the Overnight Finkmeister trap. Which, as you see here, could not contain him.

Clearly, cardboard is an inferior material.

Clearly, cardboard is an inferior material.

By this point, I figured it would be over.  I don’t know why I thought this. It is not over. It has, in fact, gone so over the top that is halfway down the other side and shows no sign of stopping.

The first thing Catfish did after discovering the trap in disarray wasn’t cry. He didn’t even pout. He simply turned to his father and said:

“Now we know to make the next one not out of cardboard.”

He spent the next day dreaming up another trap. It follows the basic principle of the upside-down-box-with-a-stick-propping-it-up trap only this time, instead of cardboard, he decided to use metal because…you know…Finkmeister is afraid of metal. Anyway, it’s actually quite ingenious, here take a look:

What we did not know at the time is that he also spent the day trying to convince anyone who would listen, that the Finkmeister is real and he was stealing our money.

It wasn’t going so well.

When we picked him up from school he was quieter than usual. After a bit of hinting around he broke down and told us that none of his friends believe him about the Finkmeister and that he really needed to catch him to so he could bring him to school and show everyone that he was real.

Oh dear.

This is venturing into emotionally charged territory. What have I done? All I wanted to do was create a little magic for him. Instead I conjured up a magical fiend fire that has grown out of control. We need to put an end to this as gently as possible.

That’s why Catfish woke this morning to find the metal Finkmeister trap pried away with a jury-rigged grappling hook and some strategically placed garden stones. Inside the yogurt box we found the following note:

Man, that Finkmeister is terrible at spelling.

Man, that Finkmeister is terrible at spelling.

On the back we found this:

WTF? He’s Stealing our magazines now too?

WTF? He’s Stealing our magazines now too?

Here it is for you, transcribed into something that doesn’t look like someone wrote it with their feet.

Now, don’t judge me too harshly. I am not trying to string him along. It is part of the plan I have concocted. It includes the following elements:

  1. Riddles left by candle light
  2. A treasure map
  3. Buried treasure
  4. Chocolate pop tarts

The chocolate pop tarts are there to smooth things over if necessary. I don’t think I’ll need them though because somewhere deep within his heart, Catfish knows the truth. He just doesn’t want to see it. Frankly, neither do I. That’s why this plan has been specifically formulated to give closure to each party involved.

But, this closure will not come without a measure of sadness. I have had a great time with this adventure. I love that Catfish is so deep within his imagination that Finkmeister is real for him. I love that each iteration of Finkmeister’s trap has been thought out in finer and finer detail, forcing me to outwit him with fancier footwork. And I love the amount of effort required of me to out-think my six year old son.

The past week and a half has taught me many things. I have learned that Catfish is a creative thinker who can use logic to his advantage. And that, when presented with an invisible foe, his first reaction is not fear but natural curiosity and a desire to trap and study it.

And then, of course, feed it to the cats.

Don’t miss out on the rest of the story!

Part 1: Finkmeister is a Jackass
Part 2: The Overnight Finkmeister Trap
Part 3: A Gentleman’s Duel
Part 4: Riddles Three, a Photo Essay.
Part 5: End Game.

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