OOoooooo #Kickpuncher! er…I mean #KickBoxer Van Dammit. #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
This movie is so old Van Damme looks like he's in high school.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
The opening montage was a feel-good scene about two brothers exploring the waterways of Taiwan in search of a…prostitute?
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
They bought her orchids and everything.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
Van Damme smiled cheekily when his brother and the…uh…orchid recipient checked into the hotel.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
Well that scene got all SHOUTY-CAPS rather quickly.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
OOooo soulful stroll through Buddhist temple montage!
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
Van Damme: the Richie Cunningham of martial arts.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
That guy has crazy eyes.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
Oh, sorry pardon me. They are in Thailand. NOT Taiwan.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
His quest for kickboxing revenge is so holy that the MF'ing birds are paying attention.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
The pleats in those pants are so large it looks like he's wearing a skirt.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
OMG THAT FALCON HAS IT'S MF'ING MIND BLOWN AT HOW FRIGGEN' RIGHTEOUS VAN DAMME IS RIGHT NOW.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
Now he's just flexing under water because "training".
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
OMG Van Damme is now dancing.
This movie is totally worth the time I've spent mocking it.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
"One day that dog is going to believe in me."
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
"He's wearing the traditional robes of a messenger sent to bring news of a fight."
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
They will fight the traditional way. Hands wrapped in hemp, covered in resin and dipped in broken glass.
SHUT UP IT'S TRADITIONAL.
#PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
The bird is back. It could not stay away. Van Damme is just too effing fabulous.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
The bad guys tried to stab his dog and failed. Now the dog has a huge bandage around its stomach.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
ugh, the whole 'hands dipped in dipped in broken glass thing" is really not going well for Jean Claude.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
And in the end…the dog finally believed in him.
#KickBoxer #PDT
— Tiffany Pitts (@snickerpants) July 31, 2015
Around Town: